she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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