It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
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Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
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Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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