Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
