Where did you get a picture of my penis
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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