I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
