fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
