What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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