When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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