i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Randomize