Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
