i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I wish i was in the wii world.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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