You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
