you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
