I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
