i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
