I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
