I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
