Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
