i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
