Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
