4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
