when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
