i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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