this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
