my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
