My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
