i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
