So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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