I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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