So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
where am i from again
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
