I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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