Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
