3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
