I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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