I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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