He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
