nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
