We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
