You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
