if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I can't turn off my feet"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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