it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
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