No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
