you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
