Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
