i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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