Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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