remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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