fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
