everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
