I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
