Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
