The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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