I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
