Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
