he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
