Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
