Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
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Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
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I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
the liver wants what the liver wants
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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