we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My life is pants optional.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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