I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
