Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
