You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
