Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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