there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
