he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
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It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
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Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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