He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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