Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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