Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
