You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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