dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
