White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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