I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
